Between anger, self-regulation and naps: How children learn to master their day
- 4 days ago
- 7 min read
Between anger, self-regulation and naps: How children learn to master their day
Tantrums, whining and the daily arguments about sleeping – many parents of kindergarten children know these challenges all too well.
Especially between the ages of two and six, children experience strong emotional fluctuations, only gradually learn to self-regulate, and their sleep patterns change rapidly. These developmental processes are perfectly normal – but not always easy to support. The key lies in understanding the child's needs and responding to them sensitively.
In this article you will learn:
Why anger is normal and how parents should react
How children learn self-regulation step by step
How to successfully transition from nap to rest time
Let's find out together how you can lovingly support your child during this intense phase of life.
1. Why children of kindergarten age are so often angry
Parents experience it almost daily: one wrong word, a broken cookie – and suddenly all hell breaks loose. Tears, screaming, maybe even hitting or running away. But however exhausting these tantrums may be, they are a normal part of healthy development.
Between the ages of two and six, children go through a period of profound change. They develop a growing need for autonomy, want to make decisions on their own, and "I can do it myself" becomes their motto. At the same time, they often lack the linguistic, cognitive, or emotional skills to cope with frustration and disappointment. Anger becomes a way of expressing this inner sense of being overwhelmed.
Furthermore, anger is an evolutionary signal. Even toddlers show anger when their expectations are disappointed—for example, when a game is interrupted or they don't get what they hoped for. These emotions are not "evil," but rather an expression of the child's attempt to influence their environment and develop autonomy.
Individual temperament also plays a role: some children are more sensitive to stimuli, while others have a shorter fuse. Furthermore, daily routines—hunger, tiredness, or sensory overload—influence how intense and how often anger occurs. Experts therefore emphasize that not every tantrum is the same, but every one is a message. Understanding it is the first step in effectively supporting children.
2. How children learn to deal with anger – with your help
Anger isn't just an intense emotion for children – it's often simply overwhelming. In the midst of an emotional storm, they lack the ability to calm themselves down. This is precisely where you, as a parent or caregiver, come in: with what's called co-regulation .
Co-regulation means that children in emotionally challenging situations rely on the help of an adult. Your calm voice, an open gaze, a gentle touch – all of this acts like an anchor, helping the child regain control. It's important to remain calm. Children are highly attuned to the facial expressions, body language, and inner attitude of adults. If you react with annoyance or anger, it often exacerbates the situation.
A proven approach is so-called emotion coaching :
Perceiving feelings: “I see that you are very angry…”
Naming feelings: “…because you weren’t allowed to take the car.”
Validating feelings: "It's okay that you feel this way. I understand you."
Calm and support: offer closeness, help with breathing, endure together.
Look for solutions later: Only when the child feels safe again can they learn new ways to deal with anger.
This empathetic approach shows the child: "I am not alone with my feelings." Studies show that children who are supported in this way develop better emotional and social skills in the long term.
Parents need patience for this – and also self-care. Only if you are internally stable can you guide your child through their emotional ups and downs.
3. Self-regulation: A skill that grows – with patience.
Self-regulation is one of the most important skills that children develop in preschool – and at the same time one of the most challenging. It describes the ability to control one's own emotions, impulses, and actions in order to get along with others, follow rules, or pursue a goal.
But this ability doesn't just appear out of thin air. It develops slowly – and begins with co-regulation , that is, support from trusted adults. It's only around the age of four to six that children begin to learn to cope independently with frustration or inner turmoil. Before that, they need role models, rituals, and above all, loving patience.
You can recognize early forms of self-regulation in everyday life: a child who turns to their cuddly toy to calm themselves, or one who tells themselves, "I'm breathing now!" – these are small steps towards greater inner control.
The important thing is: children learn by example. Your way of dealing with stress or conflict is their training ground. If you stay calm, resolve conflicts without yelling, and name your own emotions ("I'm annoyed right now, but I'm going to take a deep breath"), your child learns by observing.
Even playful activities can help:
Movement games with rules (e.g., "freeze dance") promote impulse control.
Emotional memory games or stories about emotions strengthen the understanding of feelings.
Small everyday tasks ("Will you help set the table?") convey self-efficacy
Self-regulation develops step by step – with your guidance, structure, recognition and time.
4. The midday nap: Why it's important – and when it ends
For many children in daycare, a midday nap is a regular part of their day – but eventually, they no longer need it. This change often raises questions for parents: When is the right time? And how can I tell if my child really no longer needs a midday nap?
Experts agree: Sleep needs vary greatly from child to child. While some two-year-olds hardly want to nap during the day anymore, others still need regular naps at five. So there's no fixed age limit – what matters is your child's behavior throughout the day.
A regular midday nap has been proven to have positive effects:
The child's brain processes experiences and learning during sleep.
Children are more balanced and emotionally stable afterwards.
Sleep strengthens the immune system and helps with physical growth.
However, if your child can no longer settle down at midday, lies awake for ages in the evening, or shows no signs of tiredness during the day, this is a sign that they may no longer need a midday nap. Pay attention to signals such as:
Unable to fall asleep despite quiet surroundings
Restlessness, resistance, or stress during sleep
Good mood and energy even without daytime sleep
It's important to keep an eye on your child's total sleep amount. If your child sleeps well and sufficiently at night, you can safely skip the midday nap – as long as there are no signs of overtiredness.
5. From nap to rest time: How to support children during this change
When children gradually outgrow their midday nap, it's a completely natural developmental step – but often also a balancing act. The need for rest remains, even if sleep no longer occurs. The key is to create a relaxed midday rest that suits your child's individual rhythm.
Typical signs of this change are:
Your child hardly falls asleep at daycare anymore, but remains calm.
It seems tired in the afternoon, but not overwhelmed.
At home, it no longer sleeps at midday, but sleeps more deeply or earlier in the evening.
Important: Children should never be forced to sleep – but they do need a quiet, low-stimulus period at midday. An ideal environment is a safe space where they can play quietly, look at picture books, or listen to stories. This helps them learn to relax even without sleep – a skill that will greatly benefit them later in school and everyday life.
If your child hardly sleeps during the day but is frequently fussy or overstimulated in the afternoon, a shorter rest period or an occasional power nap (20–30 minutes) can help. Sometimes the body simply needs time to adjust to the new sleep pattern.
Tip: Talk to the daycare about the changes. Good facilities offer flexible rest times and carefully observe which children still need sleep – and which don't. Close communication helps to avoid overwhelming your child and to establish a consistent sleep routine between daycare and home.
6. Practical tips for home & daycare
Theory is important – but even more important is the question: What concrete steps can I take to support my child effectively in everyday life? Here you'll find practical recommendations that work both in family life and in daycare:
🧩 When angry and with strong emotions:
Name and validate feelings: Say, for example, "You're angry because the game is over – that's okay."
Stay calm and offer closeness: physical contact, eye contact, or simply being there helps the child to stabilize.
Later, reflect together: Once everything has calmed down, you can ask: "What helped you to calm down?"
🎲 Promote self-regulation through play:
Movement games with impulse control: Games like "Stop Dance" or "Simon Says" strengthen concentration and frustration tolerance.
Introduce routines: Rituals provide security – e.g., the same procedure for getting up or brushing your teeth.
Delegating responsibility: Small tasks such as setting the table or watering plants promote self-efficacy and concentration.
💤 Around the midday rest period:
Create child-friendly quiet zones: Soft music, dimmed light, a familiar blanket or cuddly toy create a relaxing atmosphere.
No rigid sleep schedules: Children who no longer sleep are allowed to rest quietly and independently while awake.
Observe signs of tiredness: If your child seems fussy, restless, or unfocused, they may need more rest.
🤝 Communication with the daycare center:
Open exchange: Share your observations with the educators – e.g., whether your child still takes a nap at the weekend.
Make agreements: If necessary, you can discuss a shorter rest period or a more flexible arrangement together.
Mutual support: Parents and professionals pursue the same goal: a healthy, emotionally stable child.
Conclusion
Between tantrums, self-regulation, and changes in naptime habits, children of preschool age experience enormous developmental leaps – often simultaneously. If you, as a parent, understand these processes and support them sensitively, you can help your child navigate daily life with emotional stability, self-efficacy, and a good level of rest.
As a reminder – in this article you learned:
Why childhood anger is a healthy part of development
How self-regulation develops and can be promoted.
When the midday nap ends – and how you can best support your child
All of this takes time, patience, and trust – but you don't have to walk this path alone. With sound knowledge, loving support, and open communication with the daycare center, you can create a stable environment in which your child can thrive.
